The Questions That Haunted Me
There are questions I’ve asked about God that I know I’ll never get the answers to—at least not on this side of life. This is my faith and doubt story. Why do innocent people suffer? Why does sin even exist? I’ve carried these questions for years, and for a long time, not having the answers made me struggle with faith.
A Logic-Driven Doubter
I’m wired to dig into arguments, to push for logic and clarity. That used to mean a lot of debating, even arguing from the side of disbelief—not because I wanted to win, but because I was hurting. I wanted to believe, but my need for answers got in the way. I was at war with the unknown—and often, with myself.
The Deployment That Changed Everything
Then one day, something shifted.
It was 2004, my very first deployment. I served in the Air Force as Security Forces—base defense, law enforcement, that kind of thing. Before every shift, we had something called Guard Mount, where the whole shift gathered for roll call and training. And in that room stood a familiar fixture: a Pepsi-branded glass-door fridge that I filled daily with bottled water. It was a small duty, but one I did every single day.
A Simple Book Study with a Deeper Impact
On one of my rare days off, I joined a small group that studied The Purpose Driven Life, led by a chaplain. After each session, I’d stay and talk with him, always asking hard questions about faith—big ones, like the ones I opened this post with. One day, after hearing me out again, he didn’t try to explain. He tried something different.
The Chaplain’s Challenge
He said, “David, how familiar are you with that refrigerator?”
I started to turn around. “Don’t look,” he said. “Just answer.”
“I know it well,” I replied. “I stock it every day. I’m very familiar with it.”
He began asking me questions. “How many shelves does it have? What brand is it? Is the door handle on the left or right?”
Then the questions got harder: “What temperature is it kept at? Who manufactured it? How many bottles fit in it from front to back?”
I couldn’t answer those. I’d seen the fridge every day, but I hadn’t really studied it. That was the point.
A Shift in Perspective
Then he let me turn around and inspect it. Suddenly, I could answer everything. When I came back, he said:
“This life is like not being able to see the fridge. You’ve got ideas, maybe even general impressions. But some details just aren’t available to you yet. The afterlife—that’s when you’ll be able to step up, see it clearly, and finally understand.”
He continued: “There are questions you won’t get answers to in this life. But that doesn’t mean the answers don’t exist. It just means you don’t need them yet. What you do need—you already have. Just like you don’t need to know the voltage of the fridge to trust there’s cold water inside.”
Wisdom That Outlasts the War
That moment never left me. It didn’t erase all my questions, but it gave me something more important than an answer: peace.
Even now, when I come across things I can’t explain—hardships, suffering, injustice—I think of that fridge. That story reminds me that trust doesn’t require total understanding. And faith doesn’t mean never doubting—it means pressing forward anyway.
For the Logical, the Wounded, and the Questioning
If you’ve got a logical, analytical mind like mine, and you’ve struggled with doubt, I hope this story gives you something to hold onto.
You’re not alone. And you’re not broken for asking questions.
If this kind of content resonates with you, I invite you to subscribe. I’ll be sharing more stories from my journey—real stories, raw faith, and the lessons I’m still learning.
Thanks for reading. If this spoke to you, feel free to share it. I’d love to hear your story too.
