What I Used to Think Discipline Meant
Discipline.
For a lot of guys, that word brings back bad memories. It might remind you of getting yelled at or being hurt. It might feel like something that was forced on you, not something that helped you. If you were ever abused, you might think of discipline as something scary. Something controlling. Something that stripped you of power.
That’s how I used to see it. When I was young, I didn’t think discipline was good. I thought it was just punishment. I was yelled at, hit, and made to feel small. It didn’t help me grow. It just made things worse. I didn’t get a lot of praise or encouragement—just pain. So I started to believe discipline only meant hurt. Only meant failure. Only meant someone else was in control.
And because I saw discipline that way, I avoided it. I didn’t want to be told what to do. I didn’t want to change. I wanted to escape.
So I escaped into whatever numbed me. Food. Alcohol. Sex. Video games. Anything that made me feel good for a moment. Anything that gave me a little power over my own life.
But that didn’t work. It made everything worse.
When Things Started to Change
It didn’t happen all at once. I didn’t wake up one day and understand it all. It took time. It took pain. It took getting tired of being stuck.
It started when I began watching people who had the kind of life I wanted. I saw how they lived. I tried to do the same. I didn’t want to be great. I just didn’t want to feel lost. Useless. Ashamed.
When I was in the military, my days were strict. Wake up early. Work out. Follow orders. Go to bed on time. At the time, I didn’t love it. It felt rigid and exhausting. But looking back, I can see how that structure helped me. It kept my mind steady when life was hard. That rhythm—what we called cadence—wasn’t just about rules. It was about survival. And it worked.
On deployment, guys would struggle. Mentally, emotionally. So the leaders made sure we had routines. Not because we loved them. But because we needed them. Routines gave us focus. Gave us order when life felt chaotic. And I carried that lesson with me.
I also had people in my life who showed me what real discipline looked like. My second stepdad worked hard every day. He didn’t have to take care of me, but he did. My father-in-law lived with strong values and a steady faith. My wife helped me stay grounded. And I learned from books, videos, church, and life. I started to adopt habits that helped me become a better man.
And God. God was shaping me, even when I didn’t see it.
I found that the structure I once feared was actually what gave me peace. What kept me from falling apart. And over time, I stopped seeing discipline as punishment. I started seeing it as freedom.
Discipline wasn’t a big goal I reached. It was something I built day by day. One quiet decision at a time.
What Discipline Really Means
Discipline isn’t about showing off. It’s not about doing more than everyone else. It’s quiet. It’s steady. It’s doing the right thing even when you don’t feel like it.
Discipline means keeping your word, even when it’s hard.
It can look like:
- Eating healthy before grabbing sweets
- Writing even if no one is watching
- Getting to work even when you’re tired
- Going to a Bible study every week
- Staying focused when life feels messy
- Choosing prayer over panic
- Saying no to comfort when you know it’ll cost you later
- Logging your food, even when no one’s checking
- Getting out of bed when the alarm goes off
- Brushing your teeth, shaving, cleaning your house
It’s not glamorous. Most people will never notice. But that’s the point.
Discipline is what you do when no one else sees.
I still have days when I want to give up. I still think about quitting. But I know where that road leads. I’ve been there before. Discipline keeps me from going back. It helps me remember who I’m becoming.
The more I choose discipline, the freer I feel.
Discipline isn’t a prison. It’s the path to peace.
When I live with discipline:
- I don’t waste time on guilt
- My thoughts are clearer
- My body feels better
- I’m closer to God
- I handle stress better
- I’m more confident
- I show up for my family
- I sleep better at night
It’s not about being impressive. It’s about doing what matters, even when it’s hard.
Common Excuses Men Make
A lot of guys say stuff like:
- “I don’t have time.”
- “I’m just not wired that way.”
- “I always mess up, so why try?”
I’ve said those things too. I believed them for a long time.
But here’s the truth: It’s not about time. It’s about what you care about. And it’s not about being born disciplined. It’s something you learn. Something you grow. Something you fight for.
God didn’t make you to drift. He made you to stand strong. To lead. To fight for what matters.
And if you’ve failed? That doesn’t mean you’re done. That’s part of learning. Falling is part of the process. Getting up again is where growth happens.
You don’t need to be perfect. Just keep moving in the right direction.
It’s Okay to Struggle
If the word “discipline” still makes you feel bad or scared, you’re not alone. If you’ve been hurt by people who used discipline the wrong way, I get it.
But don’t mix up abuse and discipline. They are not the same.
God gives discipline to those He loves. Not to hurt them, but to grow them.
He’s not trying to crush you. He’s trying to shape you. Mold you. Refine you.
You don’t have to be extreme. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be faithful. Do what you say. Build a habit. Keep going. Get back up. Try again.
You also don’t have to do it alone.
Find brothers you can walk with. Get into a class. A small group. A men’s Bible study. Make the rhythm of your life point you toward God—not the old patterns that held you down.
And if you want something to help you get started?
Download the 31-Day Devotional – Start Strong
That might be the first act of discipline right there.
It’s not about being flawless.
It’s about being faithful.
Not control.
Not punishment.
Discipline is freedom.
Freedom to live without guilt.
Freedom to become the man God designed you to be.
Freedom to lead your family, fight your battles, and finish your race strong.
Don’t run from discipline.
Run toward it.
That’s where freedom lives.
