I didn’t know to call it shame. For most of my life, I just thought this was how everyone felt.
You mess up. You compare yourself. You see someone else doing better, being better. You fall short again. And instead of course-correcting, you spiral.
It wasn’t just guilt. It was something deeper. A voice in the background whispering, “You’re never going to get this right.”I didn’t even realize it was shame until I started healing.
What Used to Trigger It
It didn’t take much. Someone’s progress photo, a post about their morning routine, seeing a guy with his kids who looked like he had it all together—anything could set it off.
I’d start thinking:
- Why can’t I be more like that?
- Why do I keep screwing up?
- What’s wrong with me?
Then came the judgment. The internal scolding. The quiet voice convincing me that this failure proved I didn’t have what it takes.
Shame isn’t loud. It’s subtle. It doesn’t scream, “You’re worthless.” It just quietly convinces you that nothing you do will ever be enough. It wears you down until giving up feels like the only option.
What the Spiral Looked Like Back Then
Back then, I’d give up. Completely.
Forget healthy eating. Forget trying to be disciplined. Forget even pretending to be someone who had it together. I’d isolate. Numb out. Go into zombie mode.
Sometimes it meant junk food. Sometimes it meant alcohol. Sometimes it was just laying low and disconnecting from people because I didn’t want to explain myself. I didn’t want to answer for how I was acting. I just wanted to escape.
I wasn’t trying to recover. I was trying to disappear. And the worst part? I didn’t think it was weird. I thought it was just how life worked.
I’d stay in that place for weeks. Months, even. It wasn’t a hiccup—it was a lifestyle. A cycle I didn’t know I could break.
What It Looks Like Now
Now? I still slip. I still hear that voice sometimes. But the difference is, I don’t stay there.
I’ve built structure into my life. Routines. Guardrails. Anchors that hold me in place when the waves of shame start to rise.
I wake up at a set time. I have a plan for what I eat and when. I train my body. I check in spiritually. I keep small promises to myself every day. That’s what keeps me from drifting.
These routines aren’t glamorous. But they’re sacred. They’re how I fight back. They’re how I remember who I’m trying to become.
And when I do start to slide, I notice it quicker. I feel the friction. I hear the lie sooner. And because I’ve built these checkpoints into my life, the spiral doesn’t get to run wild.
Now I might be off track for a day. Maybe two. Not weeks. Not years. That’s growth.
What Breaks the Spiral
Here’s the truth:
I don’t stay out of shame because I’m strong. I stay out because I’ve built something stronger than shame.
A daily rhythm that reminds me who I am.
A faith that doesn’t depend on my performance.
A family that keeps me grounded.
I don’t beat shame by staring it down or wrestling it into submission. I beat it by showing up to the small things. The non-negotiables. The disciplines that keep me honest, humble, and hopeful.
The Power of Responsibility
Something else that changed me: realizing my life isn’t just mine.
If I don’t take care of myself, it doesn’t just affect me. It affects my wife. My kids. The people I lead and love.
Before, I could let myself go and call it “self-punishment.”
Now, I know better.
I train, eat well, stay disciplined—not because I’m chasing some version of a perfect body or lifestyle, but because I want to live long. I want to be around. I want to be useful. I want to show my kids how to show up even when it’s hard.
That’s what snaps me out of it.
Spiritually, What Changed
Scripture isn’t just comfort. It’s clarity.
One story that hit me recently is Peter denying Jesus. Three times. Total failure. But that wasn’t the end of his story.
Jesus didn’t throw him away. He restored him.
That’s the Gospel. Not that we never mess up, but that we don’t have to stay stuck.
The more I spend time in the Word, the quicker I bounce back. I don’t stew in failure like I used to. I don’t avoid God. I bring the mess to Him. Every time.
It’s not just the big mountaintop moments either. It’s daily lessons. Fresh reminders. Weekly resets. It all adds up.
Final Thoughts
I used to spiral for months. Now I reset in a day.
What changed?
- Routine
- Responsibility
- Relationship with God
Shame hasn’t disappeared. It just doesn’t run my life anymore.
And if you’re still stuck in it, I get it. I’ve been there.
But the way out isn’t some secret.
It’s one small decision at a time.
One honest prayer.
One act of discipline.
One moment of choosing vision over self-pity.
That’s how you break it.
Not all at once. But one choice at a time.
And if I can do it, so can you.
Want a Simple Way to Stay on Track?
If you’re trying to stay out of the spiral—or just show up better every day—there’s something that’s helped me more than I expected:
Start Strong: 31-Day Daily Check-In.
It’s a simple, honest rhythm that helps you pause, reflect, and reset every single day.
You don’t need to have it all together. You just need a plan that helps you come back to center.
