Let me be straight with you:
You will never shame yourself into becoming the man God made you to be.
I tried. Hard. For years.
I thought if I felt guilty enough about my failures, I’d finally fix them. If I beat myself up long enough, maybe I’d wake up one day and just… be different.
But shame never built anything in me.
It only broke me down.
What Shame Really Sounds Like
Shame doesn’t always yell. Sometimes, it sneaks in like a whisper.
For me, shame sounded like this:
“You’re not good enough.”
“You didn’t grow up right.”
“You missed what everyone else got.”
“You’re too far behind to ever catch up.”
I always felt like I had potential—like something big was in me. But then this lie would hit me: “You’ll never get there. You don’t have what it takes.”
Even when I did something well, the voice would twist it:
“It’s not enough.”
And when it came to my faith, it hit even harder.
“God knows what you’ve done.”
“He sees how you fail.”
“He can’t be proud of someone like you.”
That’s the voice of shame. It’s subtle. And it’s poison.
When Shame Shows Up in Your Habits
Let’s take food for example.
I went all-in on strict diets.
Meat only. Plants only. No sugar. No junk. Tight rules. Tough mindset.
But every time I slipped—every time I messed up, even just a little—shame kicked the door in:
“See? You can’t stick with anything.”
“You’re weak.”
“Just give up.”
And sometimes, I did.
Because when you carry the weight of shame, it’s not just about the failure. It becomes about your identity.
Shame doesn’t say you made a mistake.
It says you are a mistake.
That kind of thinking traps you. It keeps you from trying again. It convinces you that discipline isn’t for you, that freedom is something other men get—but not you.
The Weight of Religious Shame
Reading the Bible used to make it worse.
Jesus said if you even look at a woman with lust, it’s adultery. If you hate someone, it’s like murder.
I felt like I couldn’t win. I was crushed by the standard. And I assumed that God was disappointed in me—done with me.
But slowly, I started to realize something:
That voice wasn’t God.
It was shame.
When I really started to seek Him—quietly, without performing—I didn’t hear rejection.
I heard invitation.
The Day It Shifted
What finally changed me wasn’t willpower.
It was grace.
God never expected me to be perfect. He never asked me to have it all together.
He just wanted me to stop pretending I could fix myself.
Those impossible standards? They weren’t to destroy me. They were to reveal my need for Him.
Shame says:
“You messed up. Stay away.”
God says:
“You messed up. Come home.”
That changes everything.
My New Way of Living
These days, I do things differently.
When I fall, I don’t spiral. I reset—fast.
Here’s how that looks now:
- I eat the next right meal instead of punishing myself with more junk
- I open the Bible, even if it’s been days since I’ve read it
- I talk to God honestly, no matter how I feel
- I remember who I am—not because of what I’ve done, but because of who He is
It’s not about letting myself off the hook.
It’s about grabbing hold of grace and building real structure around it.
Jesus didn’t die so I could live trapped in guilt.
He set me free.
Not to wander, but to walk with Him—disciplined, but not driven by shame.
How to Start Right Now
If you’ve been stuck in shame—about your body, your habits, your past, your spiritual walk—I want to tell you something clearly:
You’re not too far gone.
You’re not too broken.
You’re not the exception.
And you don’t have to fix everything today.
You just need to take the next right step.
Here are a few to choose from:
- Go outside and move your body
- Open your Bible and read one chapter
- Talk to God like He’s listening—because He is
- Choose water instead of soda
- Say no to the thing that always drags you backward
You don’t need a perfect day.
You just need a faithful one.
And if you want something steady to guide you, check out the Start Strong Devotional. It’s not for guys who have it all together.
It’s for guys like us—who are tired of quitting, and ready to grow.
Don’t let shame run the show.
Let grace lead.
You can’t shame yourself into change.
But you can show up today, with faith.
And that’s enough.
