There wasn’t one big, life-changing moment. No powerful speech, no major wake-up call. Just me—exhausted, fed up, and done with my own excuses. I was tired of how I was living. Tired of drifting. Tired of waking up each day with no direction and nothing to feel proud of. Motivation was nowhere to be found, and honestly, I didn’t even want to try.
But deep down, I knew something had to change. I wasn’t going to magically become a new man overnight, but I could start with one thing. Then another. And I found that even small steps, when repeated, start to shift the whole foundation of your life.
Here are the three habits that helped me crawl out of the pit—and slowly, one decision at a time, start building the kind of life I actually wanted to live.
1. I Started Learning, Even When I Didn’t Want To
At the time, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. But I could feel there was a gap. A gap between who I was and who I was supposed to be. I didn’t have a mentor. I didn’t have a map. But I did have a phone and an internet connection, and that was enough to start.
I picked up books, started watching videos, and followed voices that spoke truth and challenge into my life. One of the first books that hit me hard was Rich Dad Poor Dad. It wasn’t just about money. It opened my eyes to the way I had been thinking—and how I could think differently. I read it multiple times, not just to absorb the knowledge, but to rewire how I looked at work, money, and growth.
I also listened to Financial Peace University on CD while I was driving. Dave Ramsey’s words helped me realize how I’d been sabotaging myself financially. I didn’t have to be rich. I just had to be responsible. That was the turning point. I could start making better choices today. Not perfect ones—just better.
Eventually, I expanded my learning to food, fitness, faith, and relationships. I found mentors through their books, their podcasts, their stories. And every time I chose to engage with something that stretched me, it made me feel a little stronger. A little more awake.
Learning became one of the first ways I started to rebuild my confidence. I wasn’t just wasting time anymore—I was investing in myself.
2. I Gave Myself Rules to Follow
Motivation is great. But it’s not dependable. It comes and goes. If I waited to feel inspired, I’d still be sitting on the couch eating garbage and playing video games.
So instead of chasing motivation, I created rules. Small, clear rules that helped bring order to the chaos:
- Fold the laundry right after drying it—don’t leave it to wrinkle.
- Go to bed before midnight, no excuses.
- Eat 200 grams of protein a day, even if it takes effort.
- Read or listen to something every day that challenges me.
- No screen time until my first to-do is done.
These rules weren’t about being perfect. They were about consistency. They gave me something to hold onto when life felt out of control. And little by little, they formed the skeleton of a new life.
I started understanding something important: Discipline is not punishment—it’s protection.
It’s not about controlling everything. It’s about controlling yourself. And when you build that kind of structure into your life, you begin to feel more grounded, more confident, and more free.
The military taught me this in a more formal way. During deployment, routine wasn’t optional—it was survival. Wake times, training, meals, check-ins. It was all built to keep us functional in chaos. I didn’t realize at the time how much that structure was shaping me. Now, it’s what I go back to whenever I start to slip.
Even now, when I travel or my wife is out of town, I can feel the pull back to old habits. That’s when I double down on my routine—because routine is what keeps me sane.
3. I Started Hanging Around Better People
This was the hardest shift—and maybe the most important.
For a long time, I surrounded myself with people who kept me stuck. Not because they were bad people, but because they weren’t trying to grow. And if you hang around people who aren’t moving forward, you’ll stay stuck too.
So I started showing up at church. I sat in the back, kept my head down, but I was there. I got more serious with the woman I loved—because she challenged me to grow. And slowly, I started paying attention to men who lived with a kind of peace I didn’t have yet.
I didn’t grow up with the best role models. My first stepdad was abusive. My second stepdad was a little better—he showed me what hard work looked like. And later, my father-in-law became one of the strongest examples of manhood I’d ever seen. He showed me that strength isn’t about control. It’s about integrity.
I also learned a lot from YouTube, from books, from older guys in my church. I looked for men who had fruit in their lives—peace, joy, strength, responsibility—and I tried to pull pieces of their mindset into my own.
Being around better men didn’t fix me. But it gave me something to aim for. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone—and that there was a better way to live.
You Don’t Need Motivation. You Just Need to Begin.
I didn’t wait until I felt ready. I didn’t wait for someone to give me permission. I just started. Slowly. Quietly. One small habit at a time.
If that’s where you are—if life feels dark, if you’re tired of trying and failing—I get it. I’ve been there. But I promise you this:
You are not stuck. You are not finished. You are just at the beginning.
Try this:
- Learn one new thing today.
- Write down one rule you’ll follow tomorrow.
- Reach out to one man who’s ahead of you.
That’s it. Don’t overthink it. Don’t try to fix everything in one week. Just build the next brick. And then the next.
And one day, you’ll look back and realize: That low point? That wasn’t the end. It was the foundation of your comeback.
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